If you’ve ever been around young children for a while, you’ve probably heard this line more times than you can count: 

“I can do it myself.” 

It doesn’t always sound confident. 
Sometimes it’s excited. 
Sometimes it’s stubborn. 
Sometimes it comes out when they’re already a little frustrated. 

But it usually means the same thing. They’re in the middle of figuring something out. 

I keep thinking about one moment from my classroom. Nothing big, just a child trying to pour water into his cup. 

It should have been simple. For us, it is. 

For him, it wasn’t. 

The jug was a bit heavy. He had to adjust his grip more than once. When he tried the first time, water spilled straight onto the table. 

I stepped forward without really thinking. That automatic adult response. 

Before I could say anything, he said, “No, I can do it.” 

So I stopped. Not completely comfortable, but I stopped. 

He tried again. Slower this time. You could almost see him concentrating on every movement. Less water spilled, but still not quite there. 

Then he tried again. 

This time, most of the water made it into the cup. 

He looked at it for a second. Then up. Not really looking for approval, just… taking it in. 

That small pause, that expression, stayed with me. 

Because it made me realise something I already knew, but probably wasn’t practicing enough. 

Independence doesn’t grow when we step in quickly. It grows in that space where a child is trying, failing a bit, adjusting, and trying again. 

And in the early years, that space shows up in very ordinary moments. 

Washing hands. 
Putting toys back. 
Opening a bag that refuses to cooperate. 
Choosing what to do next and sticking with it. 

We tend to move past these quickly. But for children, these are the moments where they start building a sense of “I can.” 

The hard part is us. 

We like things to move fast. We like them neat. We like them done properly. Helping feels right. 

But sometimes helping too soon removes the most important part of the process. 

The attempt. 

I’ve had to consciously hold back more. Not always easy. 
Wait a few seconds longer than feels natural. 
Watch instead of correcting immediately. 
Let the mess happen. 

Because when they get there on their own, even if it’s not perfect, something shifts. 

It’s not just about the task anymore. 

They start to believe they can figure things out. 

And that belief builds quietly. 

This doesn’t mean stepping away completely. Children still need support. Just not the kind that takes over. 

Sometimes it’s just, “Try again.” 
Sometimes it’s showing once and then letting go. 
Sometimes it’s standing close enough that they know you’re there, but not interfering. 

If you give it time, you start noticing the difference. 

Children who used to wait begin to try first. 
Children who hesitated start taking small risks. 
“I can’t” slowly turns into “Let me try.” 

It’s easy to overlook these changes because they’re not loud or dramatic. 

But they matter. 

Because independence, at this stage, isn’t really about doing everything alone. 

It’s about what children begin to tell themselves. 

“I can try.” 
“I’ll figure it out.” 
“Maybe I can do this.” 

And that stays with them. 

That’s why those messy, slow, slightly frustrating moments are important. The spilled water, the uneven shoes, the extra time it takes. 

They’re not interruptions. 

That is the learning. 

And sometimes the most useful thing we can do is hold back just enough… and let the child say it again: 

“I can do it myself.” 

•   By Roslien